SACM Coke Club
In order to generate revenue for the Wisconsin SACM chapter, and
to circumvent the ridiculous campus monopoly on 12 oz
cans of soda pop -- and just be geeky -- our coke machine
has been computerized. It does not accept coin or currency (not even those
spiffy new state quarters), but instead
debits a person's coke account whenever they log in to the terminal
alongside the coke machine and buy a coke.
So how does it work?
We're so glad you asked.
- Deposits to a coke account can be made in any amount. Well...it
would help us a bit if you give us a non-negative, real number of
dollars, but other than that we can do any amount. Find one of us, tell
us how much you worship the ground we walk on, and give us the check,
cash, or an oath of undying loyalty.
- If you can't find us, you can put your check in one of our
mailboxes. But the gods only know when we'll see it.
- Acceptable barter items include:
- Any major relic (5 cokes)
- Your firstborn (10 cokes)
- Your immortal soul (20 cokes)
- 100 hours of indentured servitude (25 cokes)
- Withdrawals cause 60 cent decrements to a user's coke account
balance until the account is reduced to below 60 cents. The coke
machine does not give credit! (Unless you sign over your house as equity.
Then we might consider it.)
- Funds can be transferred to another user. Preferably one of us,
because we like you and think you're a wonderful, überdesirable,
- The coke machine will automatically email you when you make a
deposit, transfer money, are running low on funds, or when you break up
with your significant other. You see, it's a very lonely, bitter coke
machine, and it likes to gloat. All attempts to find it a suitable mate
have failed. In fact, we'll give you 50 free cokes if you can end its
Additional information can be gleaned from the following formatted man page.
Machine specs (finger it):
- Digital(tm) Celebris XL 590
- Chip: 90 Mhz Pentium
- RAM: 64 MB
- OS: SunOS 5.5.1
The SACM coke machine is under the direct supervision of the new SACM Coke Czar/Head, Sharad Akshar.
If you have any problems with the coke machine, please contact one of us.
Note that even if you ask very nicely, we're not going to put anything but
Coke products into our machine, because that would be wrong. Coke is
it! Well, not really. Actually they have this silly monopoly thing,
and all of our commando raids to take over Coke headquarters have failed, so
we're stuck with it for the time being.
Of course, none of this would be possible without these wacky people.
Ours is merely one of many coke machines on the internet; many exist
all around the world, and some are far more elaborate than ours. Here is a link to
the canonical source for internet coke machines.
SACM home page >
UW-Madison Computer Sciences home page >
Last modified: 10 Sep 2008